A realization this morning, again, that truly living into the word is not an everyday journey, but more like an every hour, every minute journey. Impossible? Well, yes. That is why it can only be approached through faith and surrender to the Spirit.
At a particular point in time, I can become irritated with others to the point of distraction, wanting things to be just so, just as I would have them. In this irritation I feel dark, lonely, defeated, and it doesn't take long to begin to feel sorry for myself, in the sense that no one understands me or appreciates me or even cares about what I think. As it has been my entire life, I think, I am worthless and this just proves it. What a painful cycle! There is no God in that, only darkness that, left unaddressed, will cause more darkness to fester, ending in the evaporation of hope, a life wasted out of fear to live it.
Then, it occurs to me as the Spirit speaks, gently and calmly, that the things which irritate me the most in other people, are the very things I despise most about myself. When I see those things manifest themselves in the behaviour of others, I immediately feel compelled to fix those things in them, which is an effort destined to fail before it even begins. If I haven't repaired my own weakness, how can I even think that I am going to repair that same perceived fault in someone else?
It is then that I have to pray for forgiveness. And, I pray for the humility to be more understanding, first of my own need to strengthen my faith through surrender of my own faults, and then to be accepting of the others in whom God resides, even though I may not be able to see it right away or at all through the veil of my own ego.
In this Holy Week, I celebrate the ultimate humility demonstrated by God himself, and try to remember that only through losing oneself does one find the new life. Only through the pain of the cross can there be the joy of life.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Back again
After a little absence, back again. A job, finally, thanks be to God, has been keeping me busy and the new year with all its beginnings and changes pre-occupying my feeble mind.
With the new job comes a commute that lasts about an hour each way to and from work. There is time to do a lot of listening and thinking during those hours and I mostly occupy that time with audio books of one kind or another. However, on my way home one day, I was listening to a talk show and the topic was the faith of the Founding Fathers and their belief that the nation would survive as long as people believed in and had faith in the existence of God. Evidence of this is found through out our founding documents and other writings of the time, and though not all of those men professed Christianity itself, they all seemed to regard a higher power, the God of nature.
A woman called in, said she was an atheist and said (I paraphrase) such references were anachronistic in our time, that humanity,well, at least civilized humanity, had evolved beyond such mystical and superstitious beliefs and God was no longer a concept that held meaning. I turned off the radio and did not listen to what ensued, but played those comments over in my mind to see what arose.
The primary thing was this, that if we have no basis in God, then what? Not to say that this is God's only purpose, to underlie our founding documents, but in times of decision, turmoil and transition, to what (or whose) moral code do we turn? To what place do we run to fill the spiritual void that exists at one time or another in each of us? To whom do we turn, what authority do we seek for matters of our existence and how we should manage our time here with and among other people? Do the answers to these things not come from God? Interesting to turn over in one's mind while driving through rush hour traffic.
The woman's positions were certainly not novel nor are my questions. But this is where the faith question really hits the pavement. If I, believing in God are an anachronism, then so be it. It is there that I will go and there I will find the peace to sort out this 21st century world. Let the atheist have their atheism, which is itself a belief and a choice, I have no quarrel with nor any motivation to change them. I would only hope that if we who wish to believe in fairytale still do so, that they will be so inclined to allow us our space as well. After all, is it so harmful or shameful to love, forgive and even tolerate?
With the new job comes a commute that lasts about an hour each way to and from work. There is time to do a lot of listening and thinking during those hours and I mostly occupy that time with audio books of one kind or another. However, on my way home one day, I was listening to a talk show and the topic was the faith of the Founding Fathers and their belief that the nation would survive as long as people believed in and had faith in the existence of God. Evidence of this is found through out our founding documents and other writings of the time, and though not all of those men professed Christianity itself, they all seemed to regard a higher power, the God of nature.
A woman called in, said she was an atheist and said (I paraphrase) such references were anachronistic in our time, that humanity,well, at least civilized humanity, had evolved beyond such mystical and superstitious beliefs and God was no longer a concept that held meaning. I turned off the radio and did not listen to what ensued, but played those comments over in my mind to see what arose.
The primary thing was this, that if we have no basis in God, then what? Not to say that this is God's only purpose, to underlie our founding documents, but in times of decision, turmoil and transition, to what (or whose) moral code do we turn? To what place do we run to fill the spiritual void that exists at one time or another in each of us? To whom do we turn, what authority do we seek for matters of our existence and how we should manage our time here with and among other people? Do the answers to these things not come from God? Interesting to turn over in one's mind while driving through rush hour traffic.
The woman's positions were certainly not novel nor are my questions. But this is where the faith question really hits the pavement. If I, believing in God are an anachronism, then so be it. It is there that I will go and there I will find the peace to sort out this 21st century world. Let the atheist have their atheism, which is itself a belief and a choice, I have no quarrel with nor any motivation to change them. I would only hope that if we who wish to believe in fairytale still do so, that they will be so inclined to allow us our space as well. After all, is it so harmful or shameful to love, forgive and even tolerate?
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