"If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. " From Oswald Chambers, "My utmost for His highest". His point for today, we must remain "spiritually tenacious" while we wait.
As Lent begins, I find myself once again, waiting. Waiting for something to happen to propel me in the direction I need to go. Something to carry me through the ups and downs of the economy, the fickle job market, the political uncertainties. I've asked, if not demanded that God help, to fix the problem, even. Then I wait.
Yesterday at the Eucharist for the First Sunday in Lent, and again later in the day at the closing service for a Cursillo, I heard the message repeated- Lent is a time for reflection, at time to face the question, who am I, really? To examine whether or not I could ever have a fraction of the spiritual tenacity demonstrated by Jesus when he faced temptation in the desert.
Then I think again about the lessons I've learned in this life and the fact that I am where I am because I drove the car that delivered me to this spot. I drove it, filled it with gas, kept the tires inflated, changed the oil- I did every thing I could to keep it moving and personally chose the roads upon which it traveled. Now it crashes and I ask God to fix it?
God is doing that. God is showing me that I drove the car into the ditch and that only I can pull it out. Then I have a choice. Continue down the same road, or chose another. Or better yet, to allow him to drive.
I am waiting, but I know that while I wait for the driver, there are plenty of things I need to do for myself. So in the meantime, I will be busy doing just that.
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, November 24, 2008
Hard times and the holidays...
The holiday season is here, heralded by decorations in stores, 24-7 holiday music on the radio, silly commercials- and we haven't even had our Thanksgiving turkey yet. There is a lot of worried hand wringing on the news regarding the impact of the current economic disasters in our culture and how it will impact shoppers and businesses this season. I feel for those who are feeling a drastic cut in their livelihood this year, and pray for their happiness. At the same time, I welcome them to the world of those who deal with bad times constantly. This is not a cynical statement made in bigotry against the comfortable, just a mild rant in honor of reality.
In thinking more about this situation, I think about our experience as human beings at this time in our culture. If we're lucky, we grow up in a world of marvel and fantasy as children, we then learn how things work and we go to work in relationship with things and people. We gather experiences, create hopes and dreams, some realized, some not, depending on what we've been taught, and what we've been willing to sacrifice for them. While we're doing all of this life passes by without notice and, suddenly, we're old. We fight our emotions, our mental illnesses, addictions, choices, and even if we succeed materially, we may fail miserably as humans, or at least, at what we believe a human being should be.
Along the way it is very easy to become despondent, to give up, to check out. Reference the young man who recently killed himself on line while countless others watched as if it were just another act, just another spectacle created for their viewing pleasure. No one intervened until it was too late, the tension was just too sweet to interrupt. And what of the thousands of people out there who reach this point and take their lives with no one watching? What of those we tend to think of as nothing more than human debris, those who pollute the web with every type of debauchery imaginable in search of - what? Something, anything. The prisoners, the junkies, the disabled, the cast offs of pop culture. What a downer to even have to think of them.
This holiday season, when its time to carve the big 25 pound turkey and chase it down with a few bottles of vintage zinfandel that had to be opened from the stash we were saving, we can thank goodness that at least we have our sanity. OK, I guess that was a little cynical. Sorry. There is just so much more than all of this. There is much more than to try and drink away the pain and heartache caused by the lost value of the old 401k or the shrunken equity in the overvalued, overpriced and over-commissioned house we live in. So much to be thankful for.
Thanksgiving in times of economic despair? Yes! My wife challenged my family to cut up pieces of paper and write things we were each thankful for and put them in a bowl to be taken out and read during thanksgiving dinner. Two teenagers and two adults, suffering economic disaster like nobody's business, how can there be thankfulness? The bowl was not big enough to contain the slips and now they've moved into a large vase.
Happy Thanksgiving and God bless everyone.
In thinking more about this situation, I think about our experience as human beings at this time in our culture. If we're lucky, we grow up in a world of marvel and fantasy as children, we then learn how things work and we go to work in relationship with things and people. We gather experiences, create hopes and dreams, some realized, some not, depending on what we've been taught, and what we've been willing to sacrifice for them. While we're doing all of this life passes by without notice and, suddenly, we're old. We fight our emotions, our mental illnesses, addictions, choices, and even if we succeed materially, we may fail miserably as humans, or at least, at what we believe a human being should be.
Along the way it is very easy to become despondent, to give up, to check out. Reference the young man who recently killed himself on line while countless others watched as if it were just another act, just another spectacle created for their viewing pleasure. No one intervened until it was too late, the tension was just too sweet to interrupt. And what of the thousands of people out there who reach this point and take their lives with no one watching? What of those we tend to think of as nothing more than human debris, those who pollute the web with every type of debauchery imaginable in search of - what? Something, anything. The prisoners, the junkies, the disabled, the cast offs of pop culture. What a downer to even have to think of them.
This holiday season, when its time to carve the big 25 pound turkey and chase it down with a few bottles of vintage zinfandel that had to be opened from the stash we were saving, we can thank goodness that at least we have our sanity. OK, I guess that was a little cynical. Sorry. There is just so much more than all of this. There is much more than to try and drink away the pain and heartache caused by the lost value of the old 401k or the shrunken equity in the overvalued, overpriced and over-commissioned house we live in. So much to be thankful for.
Thanksgiving in times of economic despair? Yes! My wife challenged my family to cut up pieces of paper and write things we were each thankful for and put them in a bowl to be taken out and read during thanksgiving dinner. Two teenagers and two adults, suffering economic disaster like nobody's business, how can there be thankfulness? The bowl was not big enough to contain the slips and now they've moved into a large vase.
Happy Thanksgiving and God bless everyone.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Letting it all go.
St. Paul wrote that one should come out of the darkness and put on the armor of light, to live in Jesus. For years, decades, I have struggled with the meaning of living in Jesus. I know that I have wanted to do this, I certainly have professed that this is what I try to do. But still, I haven't gotten it completely.
This morning, I visualized myself putting all of my concerns and worries in boxes, placing them on a tray and laying the tray at the feet of Jesus, an offering, the sacrifice of all these things and an mind open only to him. I don’t know what he did with that tray and I don’t know what he will do with me. But I give up. I can no longer find the will to commit to the world and be so into it that I can not see anything else.
God, you can do anything. Please bring me into harmony with myself, that is all I pray for, bring me into harmony with myself and into your light. Nothing else matters and nothing else will work. I am committed to the belief that God’s will can work in me.
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