One of my favorite spiritual authors, Oswald Chambers, says that in disillusionment, we find God. This seems a little off base at first, but after a second and maybe third glance, one can see that it is right on the money.
How much disappointment, hurt, and fear have I experienced when someone I trusted "let me down"? The point is, why did I ever elevate someone to the point of putting my trust in them to begin with? I have always had this very human problem- look for and believe in the good in every person, trust in them and expect them to come through because that is the right thing. There are many things wrong with this plan, and I have suffered for trying to stick to it.
First, is it wrong to look for the best in everyone? No, I don't believe that. Jesus didn't believe that, he knew that there is a little piece of God in all of us. The problem comes in believing that people will be motivated by that little bit of God in them in every situation. After all, I haven't done it, why should I expect others to consistently succeed where I have failed? We are, after all, people. Thus comes heartache.
The second problem in my plan is hanging on to expectation. Expectations are so often destroyed that I try to avoid them whenever I can. How can I expect anyone or anything to be exactly as I wish it? What do I really control in this world outside of my own thoughts and emotions? In a world where the only certainty is that things are uncertain, expectations become nothing more than wasted energy leading to frustration and disillusionment. What then? Where does one go when all has failed? Cynicism? Anger? Revolt?
The last and most important thing wrong with my plan, is that I have trusted first in people to be God-like, without first trusting in God. Elevating anyone to the level of providing anything beyond what is humanly capable is placing trust where it doesn't belong. The ultimate disillusionment in believing that "the world" will provide (fill in the blank) leads to the realization that only God can fill this role, and, only after excluding everything from the picture other than God. Every thought, every need, every desire begins in the present moment, when the thought of whatever that is first appears. God lives in that moment. Placing that thought before God first, and knowing he is there, is enlightenment, and that is the perfect outcome of disillusionment.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Where does the time go...
Here we are again in July, the summer begins and tries to catch up with the heat that has already caused us to melt and shrivel like so many plants thirsting for water. Now, perhaps, the afternoon rains will come and cool things down a bit as the earth begins its laborious wobble back to that place where the sun is not directly above, and the winds from north bring relief.
This weekend's news was startling on so many fronts- political, sports, world events, as it seems to be from day to day now, as it always has been. The most startling and disturbing for me, one of those that leaves me empty and looking for meaning, a local thirteen year old acquaintance of my son, killed in an accident involving an all terrain vehicle. The news barely sinks in before the whys begin to come forth from all directions. But no matter the answers, if they are answered at all, the end result remains, a child, a blossoming flower, is plucked before it fully blooms and someones hopes and dreams, someones heart ache, someones first crush, someones little girl, is dead.
So we may turn to God and ask how can this happen? It is easy, on such occasions, to look to the sky, shake one's fist and demand to know the answer that we ourselves can not give. Oh, we can explain dangerous activities, unsafe conditions, mechanical failure, etc, but only God can, we suppose, answer the most painful of questions. But God is silent. And the questioner walks away, angry, humiliated, perhaps even no longer believing in the existence of this careless thing once followed in better times.
God, the Divine, the omniscient, the all powerful, the creator- does care about these things. Cares, because we are all part of his "fabric", we are part of the soul of time, of light, of God. In the most troubling times, the most confusing, there is always healing. We may not understand why things like this happen, but there is always an opportunity for healing in these events, an opportunity to look beyond what we want, what we expect and try to see how God is shaping those of us still taking up space here in the now. The answer lies there.
This weekend's news was startling on so many fronts- political, sports, world events, as it seems to be from day to day now, as it always has been. The most startling and disturbing for me, one of those that leaves me empty and looking for meaning, a local thirteen year old acquaintance of my son, killed in an accident involving an all terrain vehicle. The news barely sinks in before the whys begin to come forth from all directions. But no matter the answers, if they are answered at all, the end result remains, a child, a blossoming flower, is plucked before it fully blooms and someones hopes and dreams, someones heart ache, someones first crush, someones little girl, is dead.
So we may turn to God and ask how can this happen? It is easy, on such occasions, to look to the sky, shake one's fist and demand to know the answer that we ourselves can not give. Oh, we can explain dangerous activities, unsafe conditions, mechanical failure, etc, but only God can, we suppose, answer the most painful of questions. But God is silent. And the questioner walks away, angry, humiliated, perhaps even no longer believing in the existence of this careless thing once followed in better times.
God, the Divine, the omniscient, the all powerful, the creator- does care about these things. Cares, because we are all part of his "fabric", we are part of the soul of time, of light, of God. In the most troubling times, the most confusing, there is always healing. We may not understand why things like this happen, but there is always an opportunity for healing in these events, an opportunity to look beyond what we want, what we expect and try to see how God is shaping those of us still taking up space here in the now. The answer lies there.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Taking a step back
A realization this morning, again, that truly living into the word is not an everyday journey, but more like an every hour, every minute journey. Impossible? Well, yes. That is why it can only be approached through faith and surrender to the Spirit.
At a particular point in time, I can become irritated with others to the point of distraction, wanting things to be just so, just as I would have them. In this irritation I feel dark, lonely, defeated, and it doesn't take long to begin to feel sorry for myself, in the sense that no one understands me or appreciates me or even cares about what I think. As it has been my entire life, I think, I am worthless and this just proves it. What a painful cycle! There is no God in that, only darkness that, left unaddressed, will cause more darkness to fester, ending in the evaporation of hope, a life wasted out of fear to live it.
Then, it occurs to me as the Spirit speaks, gently and calmly, that the things which irritate me the most in other people, are the very things I despise most about myself. When I see those things manifest themselves in the behaviour of others, I immediately feel compelled to fix those things in them, which is an effort destined to fail before it even begins. If I haven't repaired my own weakness, how can I even think that I am going to repair that same perceived fault in someone else?
It is then that I have to pray for forgiveness. And, I pray for the humility to be more understanding, first of my own need to strengthen my faith through surrender of my own faults, and then to be accepting of the others in whom God resides, even though I may not be able to see it right away or at all through the veil of my own ego.
In this Holy Week, I celebrate the ultimate humility demonstrated by God himself, and try to remember that only through losing oneself does one find the new life. Only through the pain of the cross can there be the joy of life.
At a particular point in time, I can become irritated with others to the point of distraction, wanting things to be just so, just as I would have them. In this irritation I feel dark, lonely, defeated, and it doesn't take long to begin to feel sorry for myself, in the sense that no one understands me or appreciates me or even cares about what I think. As it has been my entire life, I think, I am worthless and this just proves it. What a painful cycle! There is no God in that, only darkness that, left unaddressed, will cause more darkness to fester, ending in the evaporation of hope, a life wasted out of fear to live it.
Then, it occurs to me as the Spirit speaks, gently and calmly, that the things which irritate me the most in other people, are the very things I despise most about myself. When I see those things manifest themselves in the behaviour of others, I immediately feel compelled to fix those things in them, which is an effort destined to fail before it even begins. If I haven't repaired my own weakness, how can I even think that I am going to repair that same perceived fault in someone else?
It is then that I have to pray for forgiveness. And, I pray for the humility to be more understanding, first of my own need to strengthen my faith through surrender of my own faults, and then to be accepting of the others in whom God resides, even though I may not be able to see it right away or at all through the veil of my own ego.
In this Holy Week, I celebrate the ultimate humility demonstrated by God himself, and try to remember that only through losing oneself does one find the new life. Only through the pain of the cross can there be the joy of life.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Back again
After a little absence, back again. A job, finally, thanks be to God, has been keeping me busy and the new year with all its beginnings and changes pre-occupying my feeble mind.
With the new job comes a commute that lasts about an hour each way to and from work. There is time to do a lot of listening and thinking during those hours and I mostly occupy that time with audio books of one kind or another. However, on my way home one day, I was listening to a talk show and the topic was the faith of the Founding Fathers and their belief that the nation would survive as long as people believed in and had faith in the existence of God. Evidence of this is found through out our founding documents and other writings of the time, and though not all of those men professed Christianity itself, they all seemed to regard a higher power, the God of nature.
A woman called in, said she was an atheist and said (I paraphrase) such references were anachronistic in our time, that humanity,well, at least civilized humanity, had evolved beyond such mystical and superstitious beliefs and God was no longer a concept that held meaning. I turned off the radio and did not listen to what ensued, but played those comments over in my mind to see what arose.
The primary thing was this, that if we have no basis in God, then what? Not to say that this is God's only purpose, to underlie our founding documents, but in times of decision, turmoil and transition, to what (or whose) moral code do we turn? To what place do we run to fill the spiritual void that exists at one time or another in each of us? To whom do we turn, what authority do we seek for matters of our existence and how we should manage our time here with and among other people? Do the answers to these things not come from God? Interesting to turn over in one's mind while driving through rush hour traffic.
The woman's positions were certainly not novel nor are my questions. But this is where the faith question really hits the pavement. If I, believing in God are an anachronism, then so be it. It is there that I will go and there I will find the peace to sort out this 21st century world. Let the atheist have their atheism, which is itself a belief and a choice, I have no quarrel with nor any motivation to change them. I would only hope that if we who wish to believe in fairytale still do so, that they will be so inclined to allow us our space as well. After all, is it so harmful or shameful to love, forgive and even tolerate?
With the new job comes a commute that lasts about an hour each way to and from work. There is time to do a lot of listening and thinking during those hours and I mostly occupy that time with audio books of one kind or another. However, on my way home one day, I was listening to a talk show and the topic was the faith of the Founding Fathers and their belief that the nation would survive as long as people believed in and had faith in the existence of God. Evidence of this is found through out our founding documents and other writings of the time, and though not all of those men professed Christianity itself, they all seemed to regard a higher power, the God of nature.
A woman called in, said she was an atheist and said (I paraphrase) such references were anachronistic in our time, that humanity,well, at least civilized humanity, had evolved beyond such mystical and superstitious beliefs and God was no longer a concept that held meaning. I turned off the radio and did not listen to what ensued, but played those comments over in my mind to see what arose.
The primary thing was this, that if we have no basis in God, then what? Not to say that this is God's only purpose, to underlie our founding documents, but in times of decision, turmoil and transition, to what (or whose) moral code do we turn? To what place do we run to fill the spiritual void that exists at one time or another in each of us? To whom do we turn, what authority do we seek for matters of our existence and how we should manage our time here with and among other people? Do the answers to these things not come from God? Interesting to turn over in one's mind while driving through rush hour traffic.
The woman's positions were certainly not novel nor are my questions. But this is where the faith question really hits the pavement. If I, believing in God are an anachronism, then so be it. It is there that I will go and there I will find the peace to sort out this 21st century world. Let the atheist have their atheism, which is itself a belief and a choice, I have no quarrel with nor any motivation to change them. I would only hope that if we who wish to believe in fairytale still do so, that they will be so inclined to allow us our space as well. After all, is it so harmful or shameful to love, forgive and even tolerate?
Monday, November 24, 2008
Hard times and the holidays...
The holiday season is here, heralded by decorations in stores, 24-7 holiday music on the radio, silly commercials- and we haven't even had our Thanksgiving turkey yet. There is a lot of worried hand wringing on the news regarding the impact of the current economic disasters in our culture and how it will impact shoppers and businesses this season. I feel for those who are feeling a drastic cut in their livelihood this year, and pray for their happiness. At the same time, I welcome them to the world of those who deal with bad times constantly. This is not a cynical statement made in bigotry against the comfortable, just a mild rant in honor of reality.
In thinking more about this situation, I think about our experience as human beings at this time in our culture. If we're lucky, we grow up in a world of marvel and fantasy as children, we then learn how things work and we go to work in relationship with things and people. We gather experiences, create hopes and dreams, some realized, some not, depending on what we've been taught, and what we've been willing to sacrifice for them. While we're doing all of this life passes by without notice and, suddenly, we're old. We fight our emotions, our mental illnesses, addictions, choices, and even if we succeed materially, we may fail miserably as humans, or at least, at what we believe a human being should be.
Along the way it is very easy to become despondent, to give up, to check out. Reference the young man who recently killed himself on line while countless others watched as if it were just another act, just another spectacle created for their viewing pleasure. No one intervened until it was too late, the tension was just too sweet to interrupt. And what of the thousands of people out there who reach this point and take their lives with no one watching? What of those we tend to think of as nothing more than human debris, those who pollute the web with every type of debauchery imaginable in search of - what? Something, anything. The prisoners, the junkies, the disabled, the cast offs of pop culture. What a downer to even have to think of them.
This holiday season, when its time to carve the big 25 pound turkey and chase it down with a few bottles of vintage zinfandel that had to be opened from the stash we were saving, we can thank goodness that at least we have our sanity. OK, I guess that was a little cynical. Sorry. There is just so much more than all of this. There is much more than to try and drink away the pain and heartache caused by the lost value of the old 401k or the shrunken equity in the overvalued, overpriced and over-commissioned house we live in. So much to be thankful for.
Thanksgiving in times of economic despair? Yes! My wife challenged my family to cut up pieces of paper and write things we were each thankful for and put them in a bowl to be taken out and read during thanksgiving dinner. Two teenagers and two adults, suffering economic disaster like nobody's business, how can there be thankfulness? The bowl was not big enough to contain the slips and now they've moved into a large vase.
Happy Thanksgiving and God bless everyone.
In thinking more about this situation, I think about our experience as human beings at this time in our culture. If we're lucky, we grow up in a world of marvel and fantasy as children, we then learn how things work and we go to work in relationship with things and people. We gather experiences, create hopes and dreams, some realized, some not, depending on what we've been taught, and what we've been willing to sacrifice for them. While we're doing all of this life passes by without notice and, suddenly, we're old. We fight our emotions, our mental illnesses, addictions, choices, and even if we succeed materially, we may fail miserably as humans, or at least, at what we believe a human being should be.
Along the way it is very easy to become despondent, to give up, to check out. Reference the young man who recently killed himself on line while countless others watched as if it were just another act, just another spectacle created for their viewing pleasure. No one intervened until it was too late, the tension was just too sweet to interrupt. And what of the thousands of people out there who reach this point and take their lives with no one watching? What of those we tend to think of as nothing more than human debris, those who pollute the web with every type of debauchery imaginable in search of - what? Something, anything. The prisoners, the junkies, the disabled, the cast offs of pop culture. What a downer to even have to think of them.
This holiday season, when its time to carve the big 25 pound turkey and chase it down with a few bottles of vintage zinfandel that had to be opened from the stash we were saving, we can thank goodness that at least we have our sanity. OK, I guess that was a little cynical. Sorry. There is just so much more than all of this. There is much more than to try and drink away the pain and heartache caused by the lost value of the old 401k or the shrunken equity in the overvalued, overpriced and over-commissioned house we live in. So much to be thankful for.
Thanksgiving in times of economic despair? Yes! My wife challenged my family to cut up pieces of paper and write things we were each thankful for and put them in a bowl to be taken out and read during thanksgiving dinner. Two teenagers and two adults, suffering economic disaster like nobody's business, how can there be thankfulness? The bowl was not big enough to contain the slips and now they've moved into a large vase.
Happy Thanksgiving and God bless everyone.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
And now, a word from James...
"Come now you rich people, weep and wail for the miseries that are coming to you. Your riches have rotted, and your clothes are moth eaten. Your gold and silver have rusted, and their rust will be evidence against you, and it will eat your flesh like a fire."
The stinging words of the author of the Letter of James from the New Testament. Appropriate for this day and this time? Sounds a little harsh. Is it more biblical justification that the rich are to be despised, that their wealth is a sinful shackle around their fat necks that can only be thrown off by relieving them of their riches and - what? Use them to enrich others? What good would that do?
The Letter of James, written to an unknown audience (perhaps not even a "letter" at all), was not considered part of the Church canon until the fourth century. Martin Luther tried to get rid of it because the author apparently does not believe in justification by faith alone, as did he and other reformers after him. So, why should we even consider it after all this time and controversy? Especially since it speaks with such class hatred of the rich?
It does seem that James is speaking to, comforting, a group of poor people, as alluded to later in the same passage, so it is understandable that he may point out the folly of riches to those who do not possess them. Pointing out the folly of placing one's hope in riches (not necessarily condemning rich people) is a common theme of the New Testament, one spoken to by Jesus himself on many occasions. Riches, material things, easily become a place of security, a place where we run for solace and protection against the inherent unfairness and confusion of life. Worried about recession and a crashing stock market? What easier way to feel better than to look in that hefty savings account, or the equity in the residence, or the collection of anything we've stored up for it's perceived value. Easy to look there first, and to think that when all else fails, I've got my stuff. Where is God in that?
The real message, in my humble opinion, is that things hold nothing for me in the way of salvation or comfort. Things do rot and rust. And when it comes right down to it, when there is nothing left but me versus death, the ultimate recession, what really matters? I never want to have God's love for me blotted out by the glow of a plasma screen television, or feel so connected to my SUV that I can't connect with another person, one who is most assuredly hurting in some way too, probably more than I am. None of this is easy for me, but it is worth trying.
The stinging words of the author of the Letter of James from the New Testament. Appropriate for this day and this time? Sounds a little harsh. Is it more biblical justification that the rich are to be despised, that their wealth is a sinful shackle around their fat necks that can only be thrown off by relieving them of their riches and - what? Use them to enrich others? What good would that do?
The Letter of James, written to an unknown audience (perhaps not even a "letter" at all), was not considered part of the Church canon until the fourth century. Martin Luther tried to get rid of it because the author apparently does not believe in justification by faith alone, as did he and other reformers after him. So, why should we even consider it after all this time and controversy? Especially since it speaks with such class hatred of the rich?
It does seem that James is speaking to, comforting, a group of poor people, as alluded to later in the same passage, so it is understandable that he may point out the folly of riches to those who do not possess them. Pointing out the folly of placing one's hope in riches (not necessarily condemning rich people) is a common theme of the New Testament, one spoken to by Jesus himself on many occasions. Riches, material things, easily become a place of security, a place where we run for solace and protection against the inherent unfairness and confusion of life. Worried about recession and a crashing stock market? What easier way to feel better than to look in that hefty savings account, or the equity in the residence, or the collection of anything we've stored up for it's perceived value. Easy to look there first, and to think that when all else fails, I've got my stuff. Where is God in that?
The real message, in my humble opinion, is that things hold nothing for me in the way of salvation or comfort. Things do rot and rust. And when it comes right down to it, when there is nothing left but me versus death, the ultimate recession, what really matters? I never want to have God's love for me blotted out by the glow of a plasma screen television, or feel so connected to my SUV that I can't connect with another person, one who is most assuredly hurting in some way too, probably more than I am. None of this is easy for me, but it is worth trying.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
What is needed...
Words attributed to Jesus, "fear is not what is needed, but faith". A little girl was dying, or thought to be dead, the family had given up. Jesus changed all that and brought her to them, renewed in life. Fear is not what is needed, but fear nearly always wins.
The Gospels contain many messages regarding fear, and why not? The early followers of The Way were persecuted, despised, hunted. Fear was part of their every day condition. They were reminded, that faith trumps fear, that living in Jesus, God's anointed, they had no reason to fear. As the psalmist wrote, "I am not afraid, what can a mere mortal do to me?" Many died believing and holding on to words such as these when there was nothing else to grasp, never recanting.
As the daily news brings stories that are rooted in fear, there is no other way than to remember God's word. We are after all, just a breath in time. Fear of leaders, financial ruin, whatever it may be, these things are nothing more than stand in's for truth. Things get bad, they get better. In the meantime, we all have to be. I choose to be, in the light of God, where I can live in Jesus and be fully free and fully myself, no matter what my portfolio contains.
Peace.
The Gospels contain many messages regarding fear, and why not? The early followers of The Way were persecuted, despised, hunted. Fear was part of their every day condition. They were reminded, that faith trumps fear, that living in Jesus, God's anointed, they had no reason to fear. As the psalmist wrote, "I am not afraid, what can a mere mortal do to me?" Many died believing and holding on to words such as these when there was nothing else to grasp, never recanting.
As the daily news brings stories that are rooted in fear, there is no other way than to remember God's word. We are after all, just a breath in time. Fear of leaders, financial ruin, whatever it may be, these things are nothing more than stand in's for truth. Things get bad, they get better. In the meantime, we all have to be. I choose to be, in the light of God, where I can live in Jesus and be fully free and fully myself, no matter what my portfolio contains.
Peace.
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